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Posts Tagged ‘Beginnings’

courtesy of wikipedia

Carlton Pearson, image courtesy of wikipedia

In one of my very first posts, I wrote that Julia Kozerski needn’t worry about losing herself while pursuing her goal of losing weight. My logic was that her movement towards a healthy body is inherently a dramatic, radical change, which, even if the change is positive, could feel like losing oneself since she was accustomed to defining herself by her unhealthy weight. One requirement of pursuing a big goal is re-evaluating how we define ourselves, and being prepared to release long-held beliefs if they become obstacles to our mission. I still believe that a pursuing a noble goal with a fulfilling journey is immeasurably valuable, and therefore worth pursuing at any cost, but one story educated me on how high that cost can be.

Last month, National Public Radio’s This American Life broadcast a story on Carlton Pearson, a once-superstar fundamentalist preacher and board member of Oral Roberts University who, in 2002, began to preach that all people, regardless of deeds, sexual orientation, or faith, will go to heaven. What would be known as the Gospel of Inclusion, Mr. Pearson discussed the night that convinced him to diverge from his fundamental theology:

“I was watching the evening news. The Hutus and Tutsis were returning from Rwanda to Uganda… Now, Majeste was in my lap, my little girl. I’m eating the meal, and I’m watching these little kids with swollen bellies. And it looks like their skin is stretched across their little skeletal remains… And I, with my little fat-faced baby, and a plate of food and a big-screen television. And I said, “God, I don’t know how you can call yourself a loving, sovereign God and allow these people to suffer this way and just suck them right into Hell,” which is what was my assumption.

And I heard a voice say within me, “So that’s what you think we’re doing?”

And I remember I didn’t say yes or no. I said, “That’s what I’ve been taught.” 

“And what would change that?”

“Well, they need to get saved.”

“And how would that happen?”

“Well, somebody needs to preach the Gospel to them and get them saved.”

“So if you think that’s the only way they’re going to get saved is for somebody to preach the Gospel to them and that we’re sucking them into Hell, why don’t you put your little baby down, turn your big-screen television off, push your plate away, get on the first thing smoking, and go get them saved?”

And I remember I broke into tears… I remember thinking, God, don’t put that guilt on me. You know I’ve given you the best 40 years of my life. Besides, I can’t save the whole world… And that’s where I remember, and I believe it was God saying:

“Precisely. You can’t save this world. That’s what we did. Do you think we’re sucking them into Hell? Can’t you see they’re already there? That’s Hell. You keep creating and inventing that for yourselves. I’m taking them into My presence.”

And I thought, well, I’ll be. That’s weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. That’s where the pain comes from. We do that to each other, and we do it to ourselves… I saw how we create Hell on this planet for each other. And for the first time in my life, I did not see God as the inventor of Hell.” – Carlton Pearson, This American Life, “Heretic”

Mr. Pearson followed his heart, despite decades of believing otherwise and the material wealth that came with it. How high was the cost?

Russell Cobb Finally, in 2004, in an official ceremony, The Joint College of African-American Pentecostal Bishops formally named him a heretic. Carlton’s congregation, once 5,000-strong, dropped to around 200 people with some very worldly consequences.

Carlton Pearson I mean, my offerings dropped $30,000, $40,000, $50,000 a week.

Russell Cobb $30,000, $40,000, $50,000?

Carlton Pearson Yeah. My offerings, my Sunday morning offerings, about half a million dollars a month almost. I mean, salaries of $100,000 a month. You know, how can you operate if I’m paying $100,000 a month in salaries?” Transcript, This American Life, “Heretic”

His congregation left him, the greater fundamentalist community shunned him, and now he was saddled with debt. Was it worth it?

“My friend, Bishop Yvette Flunder of Fellowship International in San Francisco, is a same-gender-loving female who’s been with the same partner for about 18 years. I spoke for one of her conferences two or three years ago. Most of the people that were there, if not all of them, were gay, but followers of Jesus and spirit-filled, tongue-talkers, deliverance, the whole thing.

When I finished speaking, and this has never happened to me in the history of my life, when I finished preaching, they stood and applauded me. I preached the Gospel of Inclusion. They stood. And she asked me to walk down through the center aisle and let the people hug me because she knew I had been bruised from my other people that had kicked me out of the charismatic world.

So these people start hugging me, and holding me, and loving me, and shaking my hand, and where everybody was crying and stuff. And when I turned around, she had come off from where she was. And they had a little vat, a little something, a container with warm water in it. And they asked me to sit down and take my shoes off, and they washed my feet. She washed my feet. That’s one of the holiest moments of my life.” – Carlton Pearson, This American Life, “Heretic”

I won’t attempt to quantify these events to measure whether his radical philosophical shift was worth the hardships that came with it, but the fact Rev. Pearson continues to preach the Gospel of Inclusion speaks volumes. His story also makes me consider how wealth, fame, and power amplify action, and the burden that comes should such resources reinforce an action in conflict with our own heart’s desire.

Whether we agree with him or not, Rev. Pearson valued his own truth over the material benefits of someone else’s. I don’t know which path is harder to follow, but I do know the value of going to bed having lived that day following your heart’s desire. I pray Rev. Pearson has many such evenings.

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When I decided to write this blog about how to achieve success and great achievement, I felt it was important to acknowledge that travelling the road towards success is really hard. I didn’t want to be just another guy who put up inspirational quotes or feel-good stories of amazing feats; to feature only great victories would dismiss all the other stories of people who are in the middle of their journey, who are still in the thick of extraordinary adversity upon which great success is founded. I wanted to feature stories where the outcome was still in doubt, where the protagonists are still trying to find their way, where the demons are still alive and well.

For such a story, I go back to the world of pro wrestling. If the story of Eddie Guerrero is one of a man who found redemption, then the story of Jake “The Snake” Roberts is of one still trying to find his way out of the wilderness.

The wrestling exploits of Jake Roberts, considered one of the greatest in-ring performers of the late 80’s and early 90’s, have been overshadowed by his battles with alcohol and drug addiction. His troubles were documented in the 1999 film Beyond the Mat (a real-life precursor to Mickey Rourke’s critically-acclaimed 2008 film The Wrestler) where Jake was being interviewed while on crack. Internet videos of Jake’s intoxicated stupors at independent wrestling events have sprouted over the years, the most infamous appearing on TMZ in 2008.  Reports on wrestling news websites of Jake’s attempts to rehab, only to relapse again, appear with tragic regularity, a sick reminder for all to how far such a beloved icon had fallen.

Jake’s most recent attempt at recovery, however, is showing some promise. “Diamond” Dallas Page (DDP), a former wrestling protege who gained viral fame after helping a man lose 140 pounds in 10 months, brought Jake into his Atlanta home where, through a steady program of diet & yoga designed by DDP, they hope to get Jake in shape for one final run in pro wrestling.  To occupy his time constructively, Jake is learning to use a computer, and has even created new Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube accounts. One touching YouTube video features Jake discussing what he is grateful for on Thanksgiving. So far, Jake has been sober for almost a month and lost 40 pounds.

In November, about two weeks into DDP’s program, Jake gave a candid radio interview about his rehabilitation and how he once contemplated suicide:

You start looking at yourself at that point and you hate yourself…I had a lot of shame, a lot of anger, a lot of freakin’ anger, basically I had given up. I didn’t want to live. I had no hope. I had no dreams. I hope nobody out there gets to that point, but when you quit dreaming, when you quit having hope, it’s a pretty goddamn horrible place to be. You don’t care if you breathe. You don’t care about anything.” – Jake Roberts, Big WrestleShark Show, 98.4 Pulse FM, UK

I’ll save the commentary for today and allow you to draw your own lessons, but for now I urge you to read the full story on Jake’s rehab with DDP. Here’s to hoping that Jake’s long journey ends with the redemption he’s always desired.

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It’s been more than seven years since I’ve blogged regularly. Back when I was in college and my life was really interesting. Met new people practically every day. A new event or something to do. But there came a day after I graduated, when I was working a regular 9-5, and every day seemed no different than the last, when my life stopped being interesting. And thus my blogging came to a close.

Seven years later, much has changed. I no longer work at that 9-5. I’m a professional actor. With an income of about half of what I made then. I have two nephews (and I just found out today, a niece on the way). And I realized I don’t like talking about myself.

Seriously, I don’t. I don’t find my life that interesting because I’m living it. I don’t need to relive those things here. And it’s not that special. I wake up, I eat, I work, I study, I sleep. That’s my life. So if you do read this, rest assured that I won’t subject you to the monotonies of my life overly seasoned with blogger self-importance.

But I do find that I love writing. I really do. My writing’s been limited to facebook updates, but occasionally I find a subject that pierces my heart and I’m compelled to write. Like this piece on this piece I wrote on CageSide Seats. Or this post about the death of several acquaintences and the role of social media. And I loved writing those posts. I loved thinking about them. I loved sitting in my chair tapping away at my keyboard. I loved expressing with my heart. The last time I made the decision to dedicate myself to something I truly loved? Six years ago, when I quit my job and dedicated myself to acting. It was the best decision of my life. So how bad of a decision could writing a blog be?

But I wanted to write a blog with a theme, not just about some random musings of the day.  That’s when I recalled a quote, like a good UCLA Bruin, from John Wooden: “Make each day your masterpiece.” I’ve always been in awe of the dedication and work ethic it takes to accomplish truly magnificent feats, whether it’s coaching 10 National Championship teams, or being able to run again. I wanted to know how to that. I still do.

So the plan is every Monday morning (since that seems to be the most appropriate day), I will post one piece about great accomplishment. And over the course of this blog, we will boil great accomplishment down to its essence: What are the elements? What are the challenges? How does one approach failure? What kind of mentality does it take to overcome?

While a readership of thousands would be nice, ultimately I’m writing this blog for me. As Robert Henri says in The Art Spirit: “…you are painting for yourself, not for the jury.” This blog is a compulsion. My compulsion. I may be the only mortal to have read these words, and that’s okay with me. Its creation is enough. So whether it’s a journey of one or one million, let’s get going, one day at a time.

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